Now

11:33 P.M.

I'm sitting here in my room. My candles are lit...four small pin points of light in an enormous expanse of blackness. The only other light is that of my computer screen, which I purposefully dimmed so as not to destroy the only two eyes that God has given me.

This is my haven. My safe port. My peace in a load of turmoil.

I was thinking tonight about life. About how you can never have exactly what you want. If you give up one thing for another, sooner or later, you will find something dispicable about the new choice. It's that way with everything...even love. Especially love. The more time one spends with another, the more one will find that they hate about that person. It's happened many times to me. I'm sure it has happened to you, also. What the difference, then, between love and apathy? Love perserveres and loves despite the short comings. This is all really a very odd conversation, but it's helping me. Through my own thinking mixed with my belief in God, the doubts in my mind are going... going... going... I hope some day they go away, but I am only human, and not a very good one at that.

That's another thing special about life. We are all flawed, and therefore we all have the chance to better ourselves.